Pele

Phoebe found a tortoise in the street and brought it home as company for Edgar and Perdita. She has named it Pele as she was on the way home from football when she found it. (She's given up Tae Kwon Do because there wasn't enough fighting and she couldn't run around. Football, by contrast, is full of fighting and running around and you get to kick a ball as well.)

Goodnight kiss

"That is the sweetest thing!" I think to myself as I see Emily leaning over a sleeping Phoebe and kissing her cheek. "How lucky I am that my children love each other so much!"

Now Emily is whispering something in Phoebe's ear. I edge closer and listen. She is speaking in a slow, hypnotic voice. "Phoebe, you want to give Emily ten euros. You love Emily and you want to give her ten euros. You will wake up tomorrow morning, take ten euros from your money box and give it to Em- Oh! hello Dad! I didn't see you there. I was, er, just saying goodnight to Phoebe!"

Back to school

Emily and Phoebe return to school, which begins the same way as it does every year, with the time-honoured ritual of fighting our way through a scrum of reps from local language schools. They are clustered around the school gates, handing out exercise books, pencil cases, pens and other assorted freebies emblazoned with the names of their schools - because let's face it, you wouldn't even consider enrolling your child to learn a foreign language unless you'd been bribed with a piece of tat that will be binned within a month, would you?

Oh yes, and there was the usual blessing of the pupils with holy water and announcements from the head teacher. Then at 9.15 everyone went home. (Well, the kids had had three months of holiday and they might have got tired if they'd done any more than just turn up and go home on the first day...)

Lost

The girls have lost the remote control for the television, which means that it's impossible to use stand-by or to channel hop. As a result, the TV is mercifully off for most of the day, since E&P can't be bothered to to keep getting up off the sofa to change channels or to look in the newspaper to find out if there's anything good on. If I'd realised it was this easy to keep the infernal machine silent I'd have hidden the remote years ago...

Phoebeday

Phoebe spent her "best name day ever" yesterday. We didn't do anything that special - went bowling, grabbed a burger for lunch - but she was in heaven because we invited along her best friend George.

Ahhh, sweet!