The big biscuit

What happens when a small person (Phoebe) gets an idea in their head that they are going to make a BIG BISCUIT and keeps nagging to be allowed to make a BIG BISCUIT, until finally you give in and say "Oh good grief, go and make your blasted BIG BISCUIT - but make sure you clear everything up when you've finished" and the small person announces airily that she does not need to follow a recipe for her BIG BISCUIT because she has seen people making BIG BISCUITS before and then decides that she needs eggs for her BIG BISCUIT and trots off to the corner shop and buys four eggs all by herself ("Because I'm sure that four is the right number, Daddy") and then there is ominous SILENCE for about 20 minutes until she announces that the BIG BISCUIT is ready to go in the oven and then you go into the kitchen and see a bowl of brown sludge in which she proudly points out some floating bits of butter {"I thought butter would be a good idea Daddy")?

Well, the only thing you can really do then is to grease a tin, pour the sludge in, shove it in the oven and hope.

And what came out was, quite remarkably, a fair approximation of a chocolate cake. Unfortunately, having been made with Hemo (chocolate flavoured malted milk powder) rather than chocolate, and with not enough sugar, it may have been just on the wrong side of edible, but I'm not sure most eight-year-olds let loose in the kitchen could have produced something that looks like this:



(Though how Phoebe thought she might end up with a BIG BISCUIT is anyone's guess...)