Instructions

It is Saturday and I am being given my final instructions for Emily's big sleepover experience. These involve going to collect one of her friends, getting crisps and party food, going to the video store, and picking up a cake. "And Dad, one last thing. Sometimes you can be a bit, well, strict, so could you try to be nice to my friends and not, you know, frighten them." Strict? I really don't think I'm that strict. But OK, I promise to be on my absolute best behaviour.

"I shall be happy and jolly and not at all strict, my darling, I promise. I wouldn't ruin your special day."

A worried look crosses her face "But not too happy and jolly, Dad. I mean no jokes, OK? Please don't try to be funny."

Funny? Now funny I can do. I'm renowned for the funny!

I look at her expression.

"OK, OK, no jokes. I shall be friendly but not silly, serious but not strict. I shall be completely obedient."

"Dad, the last time you promised to be obedient, you barked like a dog. In front of my friends. Please just behave.

Oh, all right. This party is going to be no fun at all, though, just you see...