Goalie

Emily has been playing football in the park, where she was in goal.

"They didn't score once, Dad, it was great, I was jumping around and I stopped the ball with my hands and I stopped the ball with my feet and once I stopped the ball with my face and they didn't score and I'm the best termatofylakas - what do you call it it English? -"

"Goalkeeper"

"- the best goalkeeper. Am I a good goalkeeper Dad, am I good?

"Truly my darling, you are the Queen of Goalkeeping."

"Are you good at sport, Dad? Are you the King of Golf?"

Hmmm. What to say? Should I attempt to maintain her youthful delusion that Daddy is best at everything or introduce a note of realism? It's no contest really: the Truth will out.

"Sadly, my love, I am not even the Court Jester of Golf."