Emily and Phoebe

Happy Christmas everyone!

2011-12-25T09:10:00.002+02:00

by Emily

Blimey!

2011-11-20T21:58:00.003+02:00

Has it really been that long since I've posted? I had no idea! The reason for my absence is lack of time, pure and simple. I will try and find the time to explain further in the next few days...

Fun and games

2011-10-08T08:49:00.005+03:00

Phoebe has gone to stay with a friend for the weekend and so that Emily will feel neither sad nor bored in the absence of her beloved sister, I have decided to keep her occupied with a succession of jolly games. We are playing cards.

"So, my love, how are you feeling without Phoebe?"

"A bit sad. And a bit bored."

I am surprised and not a little hurt that my carefully planned evening of fun does not seem to be working. Perhaps we should abandon cards and move on to the next game on my list.

"Alright then, how about an exciting game of dominoes, my love?"

A story by Phoebe

2011-10-06T07:16:00.002+03:00

(English version below)

Μια κακότυχη μέρα

Αυτή είναι μια ιστορία για ένα παιδί όπου γίνεται κακότυχο ξαφνικά .Μια μέρα ο μικρός Δημήτρης καθάριζε το άλογό του και του έβαζε πέταλα ,ξαφνικά το πέταλο έπεσε από το χέρι του και μετά όταν το ξαναέπιασε ήταν ανάποδα το οποίο είναι κακή τύχη .Την άλλη μέρα όταν πήγαινε στο σχολείο πάτησε μια μπανανόφλουδα και γλίστρησε σε μια τρύπα και έπεσε σε έναν υπόνομο που ήταν σκοτεινά οπότε χτύπησε το κεφάλι του χίλιες φορές .Όταν βγήκε πέρασε κάτω από 8 σκάλες γλίστρησε σε άλλη μια μπανανόφλουδα και έπεσε πάνω σε κάτι τραπέζια σε ένα εστιατόριο και έχυσε πολύ αλάτι .Στο σχολείο του κώλυσαν χίλια χαρτάκια στην πλάτη του και τον χτύπησε ο νταής του σχολείου , πήρε Γ σε κάθε τεστ και στον δρόμο πίσω χάθηκε , αυτή η ιστορία μας μαθαίνει να μην πάρουμε άλογα.

ΤΕΛΟΣ

An Unlucky Day

This is a story about a child where bad luck suddenly happens. One day, little Dimitris was washing and shoeing his horse when suddenly he dropped the shoe. When he picked it up again, it was upside down, which is bad luck. The next day, while he was going to school, he stepped on a banana skin, slipped into a hole and fell down into a dark sewer where he hit his head a thousand times. When he got out he walked under 8 ladders, slipped on another banana skin and landed on some tables in a restaurant, spilling a lot of salt. At school they stuck a thousand pieces of paper on his back saying "hit me", which the school bully did, he got C in every test and he got lost on the way home. The moral of this story is "Don't get a horse".

THE END

Synchronising our timetables

2011-10-04T08:46:00.004+03:00

Me: OK, my love, here's what's going to happen. I have a private lesson in Zographou from 3.30 to 4.30. When that's finished I'll drive back home to pick you up at 4.45 and then I'll take you to you art class at 5.00. But you must make sure you're ready when I get back, because I have to get to another lesson at 5.15.

Emily: Wow! Two lessons in one day. That must be really exhausting.

Me: [suspiciously] Are you being sarcastic?

Emily: No, no, no, I really wasn't. [Giggling] But it really did sound like I was, didn't it? [Sniggering] Two lessons! Exhausting! Ha!

Carnival 2012

2011-09-22T11:36:00.000+03:00

Phoebe is making plans for next year's carnival.

"George and I want to do something together, so I was thinking that we could dress up as those two men."

"Which two men, darling?"

"You know, the one with the moustache" (she holds two fingers up to her top lip) "and the hair like that" (she flattens her fringe down onto her forehead) "and the other one with the hair like that" (she musses it up on top) "and the hat."

I pause. "Um, Hitler and Stalin?"

"I don't know their names. One of them's very fat and the other's very thin and they're funny. They were in some old films together."

"Ah, not Hitler and Stalin, then. Good. Laurel and Hardy is probably a much better idea..."

Lost and found

2011-09-21T08:13:00.003+03:00

Me: [Wandering around looking into corners] "Now, let's see. Where are my shoes?"

Phoebe: [Pointing] "They're there, under the bed."

Me: "Oh, well done! Clever girl!"

Phoebe: [Matter-of-factly] "I'm not clever, Dad, I'm just short."

Meddling kids

2011-09-19T06:07:00.004+03:00

Why, who's that in the Mystery Machine?

Update

2011-09-16T09:02:00.002+03:00

Here is the latest on the schoolbooks saga from Kathimerini. Meanwhile, rumours abound that the lack of books is a deliberate ploy to save money by (a) forcing parents to buy them or (b) getting rid of them altogether and making all material available online or (c) ultimately doing away with free state education as we currently know it.

In other news, Emily says she did fine in her English test :-)

Test

2011-09-15T06:50:00.004+03:00

Emily's class is doing an English test this morning to determine which pupils will go into the Beginners class and which into the Advanced class. E is a bit stressed because she's afraid that she'll be asked to write out verb tables (which she's never learnt), fail the test and end up in the beginners class (which would be embarrassing, to say the least, as she's a native speaker). I assured her that there was no chance of her being asked to conjugate a verb or anything like that (though actually it's not completely beyond the bounds of possibility) and that if by some freak chance she doesn't get into the top group I'll go along to the school and talk to her teacher.

"Noooooo! Then I'll be completely humiliated..."

Disappointment

2011-09-14T06:18:00.002+03:00

In the end there were so many kids whose names began with alpha that Emily ended up in class 2 rather than the class 1 she'd been hoping for. She took it very well though (having prepared herself for the worst) and knows a few of the kids she's with, so it's not as if she's all alone with no one to talk to. Now she's actually looking forward to starting lessons, whereas before she was just worrying about which class she'd be in. (When lessons will actually begin, however, is anyone's guess. School apparently ends at 11.15 every day this week and as there are only a small number of books it might be a while before there's any actual studying to be done.)

Tenterhooks

2011-09-13T06:44:00.003+03:00

The first day back at school (yesterday) only lasted half an hour or so - long enough for a priest to bestow his blessing and messages from the great and the good to be read out. There were other announcements as well, but I was shuttling the 200 yards between primary school and gymnasio, so I missed quite a lot of what was going on. I was pleased to see, though, that loud booing greeted mention of the minister of education's name.

On to more important matters. There are a number of primary schools that feed into Emily's gymnasio, which means that she will know a minority of the kids in her year. As there are five classes, divided alphabetically, Emily is hoping that she (as an E) will fall into group 1, where she will be with two of her best friends, rather than group two, where she will know a few kids but is not particularly friendly with any of them. Fingers crossed...

Bags and books

2011-09-11T06:56:00.003+03:00

One of the first things we did when we got back to Athens was to buy the girls new bags for school. Phoebe needed a slightly bigger one, as she will have more lessons now she is in fourth grade, while Emily wanted a slightly smaller one because at gymnasio she will have fewer (though I'm assuming longer) lessons each day.

Now this is what is known as being prepared. School begins on September 12th, and so children up and down the country have been equipping themselves with bags, pencil cases, pens, pencils and goodness knows what else. However, not everyone, it seems, is quite so organised.

There was upheaval [...] Monday at the primary and secondary education level as it emerged that most state schools have yet to receive the necessary text books for the next academic year, which begins next week.

The Greek Publishing Organization of Educational Books, known by its acronym OEDB, issued a statement Monday, pledging that 70 percent of the books will have been delivered by the second half of October. In the meantime, teachers and pupils will have to make do with photocopied sections of the relevant textbooks and DVDs containing course material. According to some estimates, each school will have to produce around 7,000 photocopied pages per day to meet course demands.

Education Minister Anna Diamantopoulou Monday apologized for the “inconvenience,” blaming a bureaucratic holdup, and said that all possible action was being taken to get the books to schools as quickly as possible.

(From kathimerini's online English edition.)

Why are there no books? A "bureaucratic holdup" according to the minister. Well, perhaps. We've had those often enough in the past, after all: some teachers don't arrive in their posts until mid-October, and we're all used to that; books are often a bit late arriving (though by a week or two, not nearly two months, and my recollection last year is that all the books were ready from day one). While it's true that there has been some kind of reoganisation of local education offices going on, which might account for a few glitches in the actual distribution of books, a delay of this magnitude obviously means that they haven't even been printed yet.

I will try and find out what the story is behind this. For the time being, all I want to comment on is the fantastical idea that schools will be able to provide photocopies of the necessary pages. Now even assuming that each school has got a roomful of state-of-the-art photocopiers (foreign readers may not realise what an utterly ridiculous assumption this is, but let's just say they do, for the sake of argument), how will schools that lacked the funds even to pay for heating oil last year even be able to afford the paper and toner for all these photocopies?

Quiz

2011-09-10T06:15:00.002+03:00

When Phoebe saw me choking on my food yesterday lunchtime did she
a) leap into action by performing the Heimlich manouevre on me?
b) leap into action by capering about in front of me with an oven glove on her head, pretending to be a Smurf?
c) announce "I'm so happy, Dad! Pappous says that when you and Mum die, this house will belong to Emily and me!"?

The answer of course is (b), because what could be of more help to someone who is fighting for breath than to make them laugh uncontrollably? Anyone who answered (a) does not know my daughter very well. The thing about the house she did actually say, just not in response to seeing me deprived of oxygen. So that's comforting.

Thurday night at the movies

2011-09-08T07:11:00.003+03:00

Now that they are off to big school, Emily and her friends have decided that they are old enough to go to the cinema by themselves, so yesterday they took themselves off to our local mini-multiplex (do five screens at the top of a miniscule neighbourhood shopping mall count as a multiplex? I don't know) to buy tickets for the latest 3D offering. Rather sweetly, and despite their collective grown-up-edness, the film they have chosen to watch (and have been looking forward to for weeks, by all accounts) is The Smurfs ("So that none of us get scared, Dad.")

The big biscuit

2011-09-06T20:31:00.005+03:00

What happens when a small person (Phoebe) gets an idea in their head that they are going to make a BIG BISCUIT and keeps nagging to be allowed to make a BIG BISCUIT, until finally you give in and say "Oh good grief, go and make your blasted BIG BISCUIT - but make sure you clear everything up when you've finished" and the small person announces airily that she does not need to follow a recipe for her BIG BISCUIT because she has seen people making BIG BISCUITS before and then decides that she needs eggs for her BIG BISCUIT and trots off to the corner shop and buys four eggs all by herself ("Because I'm sure that four is the right number, Daddy") and then there is ominous SILENCE for about 20 minutes until she announces that the BIG BISCUIT is ready to go in the oven and then you go into the kitchen and see a bowl of brown sludge in which she proudly points out some floating bits of butter {"I thought butter would be a good idea Daddy")?

Well, the only thing you can really do then is to grease a tin, pour the sludge in, shove it in the oven and hope.

And what came out was, quite remarkably, a fair approximation of a chocolate cake. Unfortunately, having been made with Hemo (chocolate flavoured malted milk powder) rather than chocolate, and with not enough sugar, it may have been just on the wrong side of edible, but I'm not sure most eight-year-olds let loose in the kitchen could have produced something that looks like this:

(Though how Phoebe thought she might end up with a BIG BISCUIT is anyone's guess...)

TV or not TV

2011-09-04T06:42:00.007+03:00

According to Phoebe, Emily was so excited about being back in Athens (and thus being able to watch Star's weekend reruns of Friends again after six weeks away on Tinos), that when her eyes popped open yesterday morning she exclaimed "It's Saturday!" and did a happy dance without getting out of bed. That's what you get when you don't have a TV in your summer home.

Why no TV? Well, I suppose I could try and pretend it's for the kids: all part of a back to basics plan encouraging them to make their own entertainment during the summer. That would be grossly hypocritical, though, given the sterling babysitting role that TV has performed for us over the years (allowing me to enjoy an afternoon nap each day without being woken up by squabbles, hair-pulling or other disturbances) and also given the kiddie hardware we cart around with us every holiday (DVD players, Gameboys, etc) precisely so that our offspring will be able to keep themselves occupied (and, crucially, not pester the grownups).

So if we allow DVDs and video games during the summer, why don't we have TV too? Well actually, it's a combination of factors, all of them pretty mundane. Firstly, the house is quite small, so a TV would get in the way; secondly, reception is dodgy (and we don't even have a outdoor aerial) so we'd probably only get a handful of channels; and thirdly, TV in Greece is even more awful in the summer than it is in winter, so what's the point anyway?

Obviously, this is not a view shared by Emily and Phoebe themselves, and in the past we have had to put up with a fair amount of criticism and unfavourable comparisons to those enlightened parents who do have TV in their summer homes. But now, mercifully, the village has internet, the kids can use my laptop to watch clips of TV shows on youtube (including quick fixes of Friends to keep Emily happy) and I can get some quality postprandial snooze-time without constant complaints of "Emily's annoying me" and "Phoebe's hitting me".

Result! (Though it surely can't be long now before they both argue that they really need their own laptops so that they can watch different things online...)

Note

2011-07-12T18:46:00.004+03:00

A note from Emily awaits us on our return from the cinema, with a request to be passed on to our cleaner, who is due the next day. I love its mixture of office-memo brevity, extreme politeness and jokiness in just a few lines. And it has smileys, too!

("From: Emily
Dear Dad,
Would you be kind enough to ask Stathoula to give us* sheets and NOT [double underling] duvets!
It's started getting really hot in here at nights.
(Surprise, surprise! It's only the middle of July! :) :P :D)
* Me and Phoebe
Thank you very much! xoxo")

No, Phoebe!

2011-06-22T09:56:00.003+03:00

That is very, very naughty indeed!

Medal

2011-06-12T09:14:00.003+03:00

Phoebe was very excited when she was told that she and the other kids at her football club would be receiving a medal for taking part in a local league.* Unfortunately, the event turned out to be one of those occasions where the children stand around waiting** while the master of ceremonies runs through all the councillors*** and local bigwigs who have to be thanked for their invaluable contributions****.

Phoebe's verdict: "It was very boring but I don't care because now I have a medal."

Which I think just about sums it up.*****

* She was in a league? Who knew? Her team did occasionally play against other sides but I wasn't aware there was actually any league as such, with a table, points, goal difference and so on. Anyway, each club received a trophy and no mention was made of results or final position or anything, so I guess it was pretty informal.
** Often, though thankfully not this time, in the blazing sun.
*** With their official titles, e.g. Deputy Chair for the Committe for Parks and Recreation, etc.
**** Luckily, none of said councillors or bigwigs made speeches themselves. When that happens the event resembles a speaking competition where special awards are to be given for Dullness, Obseqiousness and Self-Aggrandisement.
***** Except for the kids who didn't get a medal because, predictably enough, there weren't enough to go round. *Sigh*

Happy Birthday Emily!

2011-05-24T08:48:00.002+03:00

Me: "Emily, this is so great! You have the same birthday as Bob Dylan!"

Emily: "Who?"

Me: "Bob Dylan! He's like the greatest singer-songwriter of all time. There is no one cooler or more famous."

Emily: [Not noticeably impressed] "I wish I shared my birthday with Rihanna."

Me: "Who?"

Emily: "Rihanna, Dad, she's... oh, never mind."

If I have never heard of Rihanna there is apparently no hope for me and I am certainly disqualified from making uneducated pronouncements about who is or isn't cool or famous. Oh well...

Geography

2011-05-13T19:51:00.004+03:00

While revising with Emily I discover that the sixth-grade Geography book describes the Japanese as the hardest-working of the yellow race. Glad to see the school syllabus reflecting the latest scientific findings. Next week in physics we will probably be learning all about phrenology...

A big hand from Emily

2011-04-18T08:11:00.001+03:00

Emily vs Phoebe

2011-04-12T09:52:00.004+03:00

Emily: [After a trip to the local stables] "It wasn't too bad. The horses didn't smell as bad as Phoebe, anyway."

15-0

Phoebe: "They probably don't kick as hard either." [Launches karate kick at sister's head.]

15-15

Emily: Hums circus music in loud and provocative manner [A none too subtle reference to her oft repeated claim that Phoebe is more like a performing animal than a little sister.]

30-15

Phoebe: "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, where Emily was born..." [i.e. Emily is a monkey.]

That makes it 30-all so far...

Play

2011-03-23T21:07:00.002+02:00

At 8.30 this morning, Emily's class was due to perform a play at the local municipal hall to celebrate Independence Day. It finally got started more than an hour later, allegedly because the local council, in a fit of pique at not being invited to attend, refused to provide an electrician to set up the lighting and sound. Can that possibly be true? It sounds horribly plausible...

Vomit

2011-03-10T08:26:00.005+02:00

Phoebe: "Dad, when Emily woke up in the middle of the night and had to be sick, she was so quiet that no one even heard her.* That was very silly. When I need to be sick I always shout out 'Vomit!' in my loudest voice and everyone comes running to help me. I sometimes swear, too.**"

* This is true. The poor love felt rotten but she tiptoed around so as not to wake anyone up.
** This is also true. Strangely enough, being verbally abused by Phoebe while holding a bucket for her to throw up into is not among my most cherished memories...

Costumes

2011-02-19T13:21:00.010+02:00

The girls are invited to a fancy dress party. Emily is going as a conjurer, but despite our entreaties, Phoebe is refusing to dress up as a rabbit for Emily to produce from her hat.

Instead, Phoebe has dressed as a pop star (or Elton John's Mini-Me, take your pick).

Alvin & the Chipmunks

2011-02-14T10:43:00.002+02:00

Me: "So why don't you want us to rent Alvin and the Chipmunks 2? I thought the first one was quite good."

Emily: "No, Dad, it wasn't. It's a film about annoying little creatures with big cheeks who sing in squeaky high-pitched voices."

Me: "And?"

Emily: "I share a bedroom with Phoebe, Dad. I get enough of that all day long without having to watch a DVD of it as well."

Sad

2011-02-03T22:39:00.003+02:00

[cont'd]

Emily: "Seriously though Dad, you never do anything that you want to do. You're always working or doing stuff for us."

Me: "That's not true darling. I do lots of things that I like. I read books, I listen to my ipod."

For some reason, the girls seem to find this screamingly funny.

Emily: [Recovering her composure] "Dad, prisoners are allowed to read books and listen to ipods - and they don't have to do all the other stuff that you do. Your life is just sad."

Being boring

2011-02-01T08:58:00.005+02:00

[cont'd]

Phoebe: "Your life is really boring, isn't it?"

Me [Taken aback] "Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I don't think my life is boring at all. Actually, every day is completely different."

I will tell her about the wide variety of translations I do.

Emily: [In a mock serious voice] "No, Phoebe, Daddy's life is very interesting. Think about the wide variety of translations that he does!"

They both hoot with laughter.

Appreciation

2011-01-31T08:25:00.005+02:00

The girls are having breakfast while I make them their sandwiches for school.

Me: "Emily, would you prefer white bread or brown? I'm afraid we don't have ham, so how about cheese and cucumber instead? And Phoebe, is a plain cheese sandwich alright for you?"

Phoebe: [Reflectively] "Dad, I've just realised something. Every day you get us up and make us breakfast and give us a sandwich for school and then you pick us up from school and we go home and you cook lunch for us."

Me: [Smiling] "Yes, yes, my love. I do." It is nice to be appreciated.

Phoebe: "Your life is really boring, isn't it?"

Spelling

2011-01-29T07:55:00.002+02:00

I just found this list that Phoebe wrote maybe a year and a half ago, when she was starting to teach herself English:

cAT
Dof
MAN
DAD
FRoG
pig
bear
rabbit
tiger
COW
duck
hen
autumn
BooK
EMLI

Very impressive that she has the hang of a difficult word like autumn and very amusing that she can't be bothered to find how her sister's name is spelt...

Did you know that

2011-01-12T21:40:00.004+02:00

the Nile (6669 km) is the world's longest river, followed by the Amazon (6436 km) and the Mississippi (5969 km)? Or that the longest rivers in Asia and Africa are the Yang-Che-Yang (5471 km) and the Congo (4373 km) respectively? Or that the Murray and Darling River in Australia (3717 km) is the eighth longest in the world, beating Europe's longest - the Volga (3685 km) and the Danube (2850 km) - into ninth and tenth place?

No? Well you would if you'd been helping Emily revise for her geography test tomorrow.

And that's just the rivers! There are lakes, too! (Whatever you do, don't get me started on lakes! Did you know there was a Lake Baikal? I've never even heard of Lake Baikal...)

Phoebe wishes everyone

2011-01-10T09:36:00.003+02:00

a very happy 2011!

(So does Emily, of course, but a photograph like this would be beneath her dignity - and might spoil her carefully coiffed hair.)

Jesus Chr-

2010-12-07T09:28:00.007+02:00

Me: "I wish you wouldn't say that darling."

Phoebe: "What? I only said Jesus Chr-"

Me: "I know what you said, my love, and you don't need to repeat it. But some people might not like it if they hear you saying it."

Phoebe: "But what's wrong with saying Jesus Chr-"

Me: "You don't need to say it again."

Phoebe: "But you say it!"

Me: "Well, it's different for grown-ups. Grown-ups do all sorts of things they oughtn't to. But little girls shouldn't say things that might upset people."

Phoebe: "I still don't know what's wrong with saying it. It's not like swearing."

Me: "No, but some religious people think it's worse than swearing. You'd never hear Pappous saying something like that, would you?"

Phoebe: "No..."

Me: "But if you must say it, at least get it right. It's 'Jesus Christ Almighty'."

Phoebe: "Not Jesus Christ O'Mighty?"*

Me: "No, darling."

Phoebe: "Oh..."

* Though even as we speak, Dan Brown may well be penning his latest 'novel', Jesus of Limerick, in which the Vatican attempts to suppress the truth about the Redeemer's Irish roots...

Meanwhile, in Europe...

2010-12-01T08:07:00.009+02:00

This is a handout that Emily's class (sixth grade of primary school) were given for History. It is a summary of a four-page introduction in their History book, giving some essential background for this year. Now take a look, and be honest, how much of this did you have a passing knowledge of at the age of eleven? And do you think it's reasonable to expect kids of that age to learn this sort of abridged version of history? I must say that I have my doubts...

"Europe in the modern* era

While Greece was enslaved by the Turks**, in Europe:

The use of gunpowder became widespread.

Daring voyages of exploration took place.
(Columbus -> America, Magellan -> circumnavigation of the globe)

Printing was invented by Johannes Gutenberg.
(The first printed book was the Bible)

The Renaissance begins in Italy.
(A flourishing of art, science and literature)

The Reformation.
(Many educated people refuse to accept the Pope's authority*** and the Western church is split)

The Enlightenment
(Intellectuals attempt to awaken people to an awareness of their rights.)

The French Revolution (1789)
(Liberty! Egality! Fraternity! Abolition of the monarchy.)

Napoleon Bonaparte
(Emerged from the French Revolution, led the French army to victory in a series of wars, defeated at Waterloo in 1814 by the European monarchies that had allied against him,**** downfall commemorated by Abba in 1974 Eurovision Song Contest winner*****)

Holy Alliance (1815)
(Created by the European monarchies to prevent revolutionary movements in Europe. Engineered by the Austrian Metternich."

* "Modern" is obviously a relative concept here.
** Subtext: "Look at everything that Greece missed out on because we were under the Turksih yoke."
*** Note the sideswipe at the Pope, here.
**** What? No mention of the Duke of Wellington? What anti-British propaganda is this?
******OK, I made up that bit up.

Sunday

2010-11-07T14:00:00.012+02:00

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Athens, the kids have Friday and Monday off because of local elections and we're thinking of going for a walk. Here are some pictures from our last volta.

Phoebe's idea for Halloween

2010-11-01T19:54:00.003+02:00

"Instead of a clock with a bird that comes out every hour, which is really boring, there should be a clock with a wolf that comes out at midnight and howls at the moon!"

Actually, I think she might just have something there...

Rivers of mud

2010-10-17T21:27:00.008+03:00

As I type, there is thunder and lightning over Athens and the sky has unleashed a mighty rain that is forecast to last all day tomorrow. This creates a slight problem, because for the last two weeks, workmen have been digging up the road outside the kids' school so that it can be turned into a semi-pedestrianised street (which everyone is very happy about because it will be much safer). However, because the road is currently unsurfaced, come tomorrow it will be a muddy, miry mess, impossible to negotiate. And judging by the strength of the rain right now, the JCB currently sitting at the top of the street may well have been washed all the way to the bottom. (At this point, one might ask why the powers-that-be decided that the best time to do roadworks outside a school was during term time, when hundreds of kids and their parents use the road every day, and more specifically in October, when floods are almost guaranteed, rather than during the summer, at Christmas or at Easter. The cynical might suggest that it is because there are local elections just around the corner and the council wants as many people as possible to see how much it is doing to improve their lives. This might also explain why children's playgrounds are being refurbished, bright new garbage bins have been installed on every street corner, and the motorcycle police are very visibly riding around making us all feel safe and protected and keeping the local doughnut shops in business.)

But I digress. The point is that tomorrow we won't be able to get into school through the front entrance. Instead, we'll have to use the gate at the back of the school, which opens onto the park. And Emily is worried.

"What about in the afternoon, Dad, when Mum comes and picks me up? She won't know where to go!"

"Don't worry love," I explain cheerily, "I'll tell her where it is! I'll even draw her a little map. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Oh brilliant!" she responds gloomily. "With your drawing skills and Mum's sense of direction, I'll be stranded there for hours!"

It was generally agreed that although Emily could have expressed herself with slightly more tact, she had a point about Nevi. Which is why we have very pragmatically decided that she is now old enough to walk home from school by herself. Hurrah!

Pele

2010-09-19T12:53:00.003+03:00

Phoebe found a tortoise in the street and brought it home as company for Edgar and Perdita. She has named it Pele as she was on the way home from football when she found it. (She's given up Tae Kwon Do because there wasn't enough fighting and she couldn't run around. Football, by contrast, is full of fighting and running around and you get to kick a ball as well.)

Goodnight kiss

2010-09-16T06:47:00.004+03:00

"That is the sweetest thing!" I think to myself as I see Emily leaning over a sleeping Phoebe and kissing her cheek. "How lucky I am that my children love each other so much!"

Now Emily is whispering something in Phoebe's ear. I edge closer and listen. She is speaking in a slow, hypnotic voice. "Phoebe, you want to give Emily ten euros. You love Emily and you want to give her ten euros. You will wake up tomorrow morning, take ten euros from your money box and give it to Em- Oh! hello Dad! I didn't see you there. I was, er, just saying goodnight to Phoebe!"

Back to school

2010-09-13T17:40:00.002+03:00

Emily and Phoebe return to school, which begins the same way as it does every year, with the time-honoured ritual of fighting our way through a scrum of reps from local language schools. They are clustered around the school gates, handing out exercise books, pencil cases, pens and other assorted freebies emblazoned with the names of their schools - because let's face it, you wouldn't even consider enrolling your child to learn a foreign language unless you'd been bribed with a piece of tat that will be binned within a month, would you?

Oh yes, and there was the usual blessing of the pupils with holy water and announcements from the head teacher. Then at 9.15 everyone went home. (Well, the kids had had three months of holiday and they might have got tired if they'd done any more than just turn up and go home on the first day...)

Lost

2010-09-04T11:26:00.003+03:00

The girls have lost the remote control for the television, which means that it's impossible to use stand-by or to channel hop. As a result, the TV is mercifully off for most of the day, since E&P can't be bothered to to keep getting up off the sofa to change channels or to look in the newspaper to find out if there's anything good on. If I'd realised it was this easy to keep the infernal machine silent I'd have hidden the remote years ago...

Phoebeday

2010-09-04T10:17:00.005+03:00

Phoebe spent her "best name day ever" yesterday. We didn't do anything that special - went bowling, grabbed a burger for lunch - but she was in heaven because we invited along her best friend George.

Ahhh, sweet!

Agios Fanourios

2010-08-31T09:08:00.010+03:00

Here are some photos from our visit to the panegyri at the church of Agios Fanourios. This is a feast day we go to every year, partly because it is only a short-ish walk from the village and partly because the food served there is a delicious raisin cake called a fanouropita.

Incidentally, if you have lost something and you bake a fanouropita, legend has it that Agios Fanourios will help you find it. We have never baked one ourselves, but perhaps we should have, since last year, at this very service, Emily lost her bandana.

(Which might, come to think of it, be Agios Fanourios's way of punishing freeloaders who turn up each year at the end of his church service to stuff themselves on fanouropites that other people have made...)

Kyra Xeni

2010-08-28T08:52:00.014+03:00

Most days here on Tinos the girls play with their friends in the morning, which is followed by lunch en famille (either at home or out). I then have my all-important nap and finally in the afternoon we go to the beach. In previous years that has pretty much been the extent of our activity and everyone has been quite happy doing that and no more.

This year, the girls and their parea have been having such a great time together that every day they want to go to whichever beach their friends are going to. And if they aren't going to a beach, they want to do whatever the others are doing, be that going to a concert, listening to an opera recital (yes, really, in our very own village!) or walking to Kyra Xeni.

Kyra Xeni (the name means something like "Lady of Guests") is a church in the neighbouring village dedicated to the Virgin Mary and each 14th August (the day before the Feast of the Dormition, almost everyone in the village makes their way there to attend a church service and then eat a watery kind of tomato soup in a huge refectory*.

Because the girls and their friends have been so inseperable this summer, it didn't come as a huge surprise when, on the afternoon of August 14th, they asked if we might go to Kyra Xeni**.

There are two ways of getting there. One involves a ten-minute drive on a newly asphalted road, an option was rejected - not by me, I hasten to add - on the grounds that "You only go by car if you're really old or ill, Dad!". The girls' friends and their families had opted for the truly authentic Kyra Xeni experience, involving an hour-long walk along footpaths, through fields and up a steep hill, which meant of course that we had to do the same.

Well, we did it, and I have to say it wasn't that bad. The soup looked ghastly (I didn't try it, of course)*** and once it got dark we were stumbling around trying to light our way with our mobile phones (we hadn't brought torches - duh), but the service was a great social occasion and on the way back we were taken on a sort of midnight nature trail by one of our party, where we were shown various forms of Tinian flora and flora, including a splendid frog (see below).****

* I'm not sure whether the soup is intended to be enjoyed or whether it is eaten as a kind of penance.
** "Please, please, please can we go? All our friends are going and they go every year and we've never been before so please, please, please, we're begging you, can we go?"
*** Nor did I try it on August 23rd to celebrate the Enniamera, which comes nine days after the Dormition. (This time the soup came garnished with large chunks of roasted goat).
**** My favourite part of the evening, though, was when we about half-way there, and I heard the following whispered conversation between Emily and Phoebe:
P: Emily, what exactly is Kyra Xeni?
E: I'm not sure. I think it's some kind of restaurant.
P: Oh. I thought it was a beach...

Kyra Xeni

Frog

Tinos again

2010-08-16T09:20:00.006+03:00

After our return from foreign climes we spent a couple of days in Athens (just enough to unpack and repack our bags and take the girls to a therino to watch Sabrina) before making for Tinos.

Here are a few photos that I should have posted last time. The painted stones that E, P and their friends were selling to tourists, E & P at the beach, and last but not least, man with sheep...

No photos

2010-07-18T08:28:00.002+03:00

Well, I've been taking lots of lovely photos of the house and the village, and of the girls playing and swimming on the beach, but unfortunately I left the lead that connects the camera to the laptop back in Athens, so I will post them another time.

My favourite photo, though it's hopelessly blurry, is of a man who for years now has regulary been seen at dusk walking his five dogs along a local coastal path. We noticed him again the other day and paid him no more heed than usual until Peggy the Frenchwoman suddenly exclaimed: "But this is incroyable! He has with him a mouton! And sure enough, the large woolly looking dog at the centre of the pack was a sheep. Being taken for a walk. On a lead.

I wonder if he's trained it to fetch a stick.

Emily and Phoebe on holiday

2010-07-13T22:43:00.002+03:00

We are on Tinos, where we now have Internet access, so followers of Emily and Phoebe can look forward to occasional posts describing our holiday highs and lows. The latter so far include discovering that the girls both have lice, which made Phoebe wail to begin with; she cheered up markedly, though, when I told her she should think of them as temporary pets...

Surreal conversation

2010-06-20T07:36:00.003+03:00

Phoebe: "Emily, did you know that in Mexico people get married without any clothes on?"

Emily: "That is so not true, Phoebe. Have you ever seen Speedy Gonzalez without clothes? Have you? Well, then!"

Shopping

2010-06-17T00:56:00.003+03:00

"Come on Phoebe, choose your yoghurt and let's get home. The World Cup starts in five minutes."

"You men, you're all the same. Football, football, football..."

Boooooo!!!

2010-06-11T12:47:00.008+03:00

to the gym teachers at the Agios Kosmas sports camp (where the girls went on their annual school trip today) for not letting Phoebe play football with the boys in her class. To make matters worse, the girls were only allowed to play chase and do skipping (ugh!), which they could of course have done in the playground back at school (without all the parents having to fork out ten euro for the coach and entrance fee). Poor Phoebe had been looking forward to the trip for ages and had even got herself a football shirt so she'd be kitted out properly. Not surprisingly, she rated it "the worst trip ever".

Contract

2010-06-10T17:16:00.005+03:00

Phoebe is going on a school trip.

"...and I had to decide who I'm going to sit next to on the coach Daddy, and there are lots of boys who wanted to sit next to me and I always sit with George or Spyros or Angelos and this time I thought I would sit with Antonis because he always asks to sit next to me and usually I say 'no' but the one time I said 'yes' he changed his mind and didn't sit with me and I had no one to sit next to so this time I made him promise that he would sit next to me and so that he won't change his mind I wrote a contract and made him sign it so now he has to sit next to me!"

Poor boy. I feel quite sorry for him...

Career

2010-06-02T21:23:00.003+03:00

Phoebe is attempting to decide what she will do when she grows up. "I cannot make up my mind, Daddy. Should I be a scientist at NASA or should I have a Karagiozis puppet theatre?" She thinks for a moment. "I know! I can do both!"

"Perhaps, darling. Although probably not at the same time..."

Scarves

2010-06-01T18:51:00.004+03:00

Check out the cool scarves made by E&P at art class!

Final

2010-05-29T11:22:00.001+03:00

Emily's birthday week culminates with inviting a friend over to watch Eurovision together. Opa!

Another day off

2010-05-26T11:16:00.003+03:00

Emily's birthday week keeps getting better and better. Monday (her actual birthday) was a holiday (the Feast of the Holy Spirit) and today (Wednesday) there is no school because the teachers are having some kind of meeting. Instead, Emily's class gathered in the park for a water fight which I kept a safe distance from (hence no photos).

Eurovision

2010-05-26T11:14:00.005+03:00

Emily, like all children, is full of excitement that Greece has qualified for the final of the Eurovision Song Contest. I, like all adults, am worried that we might actually win the damn thing and have to bear the huge expense of hosting it next year.

Eleven

2010-05-24T09:10:00.003+03:00

"Daddy, because it's my birthday today I want us all to be together this afternoon and I want to invite Pappous and Nonos and I want us to eat crisps and μπόμπες [towers of sandwiches] because I love μπόμπες more than anything and I want to make them - please can I make them Daddy? - and then I want us to have cake and ice cream and I want everyone to say what a good girl I am. Because it's my birthday."

And that is exactly what happened...

Run, Phoebe, Run!

2010-05-16T10:17:00.005+03:00

Emily ended up not taking part in yesterday's cross-country race as she had a party to go to (a difficult choice, that: wear yourself out hauling yourself around the local park or hang out with friends eating cake and ice-cream).

Phoebe, though, decided she wanted to go in for it, and I'm pleased to report that she came to no harm from her exertions (despite not changing out of her sports kit after the event, which is apparently an absolute no-no and tantamount to inviting a ψύξη [see previous post]). She took the whole thing very seriously, in fact: she discussed tactics with me ("Daddy, I am going to run as fast as I can!"), took on board my advice about not going off too fast at the beginning (unlike lots of the other kids, who ran out of puff and barely made it to the finishing line) and in the race itself, zipped round the course to finish third in her category and take home a medal. Yay Phoebe!

Cross-country

2010-05-14T08:36:00.005+03:00

There is apparently some sort of open cross country race going on in the local park tomorrow. Grown-ups and high-school students will be running 3 kilometres, while primary school kids will have to complete a 1km course. I am not intending to enter (my knee is a bit fragile at the moment) but I note that in two years' time I will be in the oldest category of participants and quite fancy my chances against the local παππούδες* (provided I put in a bit of training first).

Although I have decided to postpone my bid for sporting glory this year, Emily and Phoebe are quite keen to take part.

Nevi and I are divided, however, over whether this is a good idea. Nevi says that a kilometre is a long way for young children to run (I suspect she may be right but suggest that it sounds much further than it is, an argument that sounds reasonable until you subject it to any intellectual rigour whatsoever). She is also afraid that there is a danger of them getting trampled (to which I respond - perhaps more in hope than expectation - that there will almost certainly be a staggered start to prevent this kind of accident). I am sure that she is probably concerned about the effect of unwarranted exercise on young bones, as well, although she does not say so. Most of all, though, I think she fears that the girls will suffer a ψύξη (psee-ksee), a kind of muscular pain or stiff neck which is the almost inevitable consequence of irresponsible sweating followed by exposure to one of the dangerous breezes found all too often in Greece. She will never admit this, of course.**

If Nevi is a bit doubtful about the girls taking part, I am decidedly gung-ho. Frankly, I see this as a golden opportunity to live vicariously through my children, pushing them to achieve the success that I was denied through a cruel combination of chance, indifference and lack of sporting ability. (I believe that psychologists nowadays recommend this sort of "adult-centred" approach to raising children as a way of making them more confident, independent and well-balanced.)

In the end, of course, what Nevi and I think is spectacularly irrelevant, because in this, as in most things, it will be the girls themselves who decide whether they want to run or not...

* grandads (most of whom seem to spend their time sitting in coffee bars smoking)
** Nevi has in the past been subjected to a certain amount of scoffery for her belief in the ψύξη. She was particularly annoyed when I suggested that along with band-aids and iodine we should keep a supply of leeches in our first-aid kit.

Garland

2010-05-06T11:56:00.006+03:00

"Phoebe, can I take a photo of you wearing the garland you made on Mayday?"

"OK, that's quite nice, but you look very serious. Could you smile a bit in this one?"

"Now that was just silly. Be sensible."

"Sensible, I said. Not full of mischief."

"OK, that'll have to do I suppose. Emily, do you want me to take your photo? You'll look really sweet with flowers in your hair!"

"Come on Dad, we both know that all you really want to do is post a ridiculous photo of me on the blog."

Shocked! Shocked I am that my own daughter could think such a thing of me!

(Spoilsport...)

Tennis

2010-05-03T20:06:00.003+03:00

Emily's tennis coach... *puff* ...didn't turn up... *pant* ...for her lesson this evening... *wheeze* ...so I nipped home... *gulp* ...and got a spare racket... *choke* ...to have a knock-up with her... *gasp*.

Obviously, I went easy on her.

Parties

2010-05-03T08:28:00.002+03:00

It was a weekend of gadding about for the girls. On Saturday I took them to Porto Rafti, where Emily's friend Giorgia was having a party. There we celebrated May 1st in traditional fashion by making garlands of flowers and eating huge slabs of barbequed meat. On Saturday evening Emily went to Giorgos's party here in Athens, where (oh good grief!) a (parentally supervised) game of spin the bottle was in progresss when I arrived to pick her up...

I feel like dancing...

2010-04-26T08:42:00.005+03:00

Pappous is very excited that Emily and some of her classmates are going to be performing a dance in front of the whole school. I rather suspect he is imagining something like this. Which would certainly be interesting, as my latest information is that they are going to be interpreting I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas...

An answer for everything (2)

2010-04-19T08:57:00.002+03:00

Me: Right, that's it. I've had enough. You're grounded!

Emily: [Open-mouthed in astonishment] But that's ridiculous. And illogical. I've done far worse things without being punished!

An answer for everything (1)

2010-04-16T14:20:00.007+03:00

Phoebe: Dad, remember how you won't let me have a dog or a cat or a rabbit or a hamster because if we had a pet we wouldn't ever be able to go on holiday?

Me: [Warily] Yes?

Phoebe: [Excitedly] Dad, I want a goldfish! And guess what? You can buy special fish tanks that feed the fish when you go on holiday, so it wouldn't be a problem!

[Can this possibly be true? She has been spending a lot of time on the internet lately and I wouldn't be surprised if she's checked her facts on this one. I shall have to try a new tactic.]

Me: Well, that may be true, darling, but don't you think it's a bit cruel to keep a fish in a little glass tank when it would much rather be swimming through the ocean? [I have a sudden brainwave.] Like in Finding Nemo? Remember Finding Nemo? About the little fish that gets separated from his daddy and ends up in horrible fish tank?

Phoebe: Well, yes... [Ha!] But you eat fish, Dad. And if I were a little fish I would much rather live in a tank and be looked after by a little kid that loves me than be eaten.

D'oh!

I burble something about fish being born free, and how they prefer the possibility of not being caught over the certainty of captivity, but Phoebe seems even less convinced by this argument than I am. When I find myself claiming that lots of fish in the wild live to a ripe old age and die in their sleep, I realise it is probably time to change the subject...

We're back!

2010-04-15T08:21:00.002+03:00

Which is to say we were away. On holiday. For Easter. And now we're back.

We are also (I hope) back to blogging, and instead of posting warmed-up leftovers that are a month out of date, I shall be attempting to ensure that everything appearing here at emilyandphoebe is fresh as fresh can be (and contains only the purest, most natural ingredients, of course).

Today, an amuse-bouche. On the way to school this morning, E & P were singing about washing their teeth with a bottle of Jack. When I suggested that Colgate would probably be more effective they looked at me with pity. Pity turned to scorn when I asked if it was a Lady Gaga song. Oh well...

A hill o' (black and white) beans

2010-02-28T12:17:00.006+02:00

I have a large tin of dried beans that I use for blind baking. Some are black, some are white. The girls have decided to sort them into two piles. I am slightly worried by this. Even though I understand that there is a therapeutic quality to boring repetitive tasks that require no thinking, this is worryingly close to being an aptitude test for the Greek public service, and I am concerned that when they are older this might be the kind of job that they look for. (A job in the Greek public service, I mean. I realise that jobs sorting beans into piles are few and far between.)

But then they arrange the beans into a pattern. Phew! They do have a creative side after all. What a relief! They will have fabulous and fulfilling careers in the Arts and never do anything boring or repetitive at all. Hurrah!

Let's go fly a kite

2010-02-16T00:56:00.005+02:00

Down to Faliro for Clean Monday, where strong winds coming in off the sea made for one of our best kite-flying expeditions ever!

Murder

2010-02-11T10:10:00.008+02:00

Emily: Dad, I've noticed something. A lot of the television news programmes have horrible stories about crimes and murders and things like that.

Me: You're right, darling, especially on the trashier channels. But what they show isn't always news. Much of the time it's just stories about dreadful things that have happened.

Emily: But they're true, aren't they? I mean they're not made up.

Me: Yes I'm afraid they're true, darling.

Emily: Because there was this story about a man who killed his wife. It was terrible. I mean how could he do such a thing?

Me: I don't know, my love. [Sotto voce] Maybe she became addicted to facebook and youtube and one day he just snapped.

Emily: Dad! I'm going to tell Mum what you said!

Me: Snitch!

Emily: I'm going to tell her that, too!

[Discussion descends into general name-calling and threats...]

Amanuensis

2010-02-04T07:45:00.007+02:00

Emily has hurt her wrist and cannot write. I have a sore throat and cannot speak.

We have the bright idea of working together on her homework: she tells me the answers and I write them down.

I would like to report that this was a productive collaboration characterised by mutual respect, in which Emily did not once lose her temper and the phrase 'ungrateful toad' never passed my lips.

(Oh, who am I kidding...)

Messy

2010-01-28T07:14:00.004+02:00

Emily: Dad, I want to get messy today.

Me: You're pretty messy already, darling. What do you expect this to involve?

Emily: Not messy, Messi! He's a footballer! And I need him for my album!

Oh, right. The girls have started collecting football cards or stickers or something.

Language

2010-01-17T10:59:00.004+02:00

The other day, Phoebe was watching a TV programme called Kitchen Nightmares, starring sweary chef Gordon Ramsey.

Now, inevitably, she has shocked Emily by using Chef Ramsey's favourite Anglo-Saxon epithet.

"Phoebe, don't say that word! Say..." she pauses while her computer-like memory scans every episode of Friends for an inoffensive alternative "... darn instead!"

Bag

2010-01-15T08:21:00.008+02:00

We are walking to school and find ourselves being observed by a stern looking old woman dressed in black. I give her a friendly smile and she shakes her head sorrowfully. "Poor little thing!" she mumbles. I stop and look around to see who she could be talking about. "The little one!" she admonishes me, indicating Phoebe.

"Um, yes, probably," I venture. I'm not sure what she's getting at, but by the way she's fixing me with her glittering eye I suspect this could be a long and tedious encounter. Since the school bell is about to ring, I think it's best if we're on our way.

"It's a shame! A crying shame!" she yodels.

"Well, yes, perhaps," I offer, perplexed.

"Her bag! Look how heavy it is."

"Ah, right, yes. With you now. Yes, you're right. It is heavy. Very heavy. It's the books, you see."

"Books!" she exclaims scornfully.

"Yes, books. You know, for the lessons. We're going to school." For emphasis, I flap my hand in the direction of the large building with the word SCHOOL written on the outside. I really think she might be a few pence short of the full shilling.

"She shouldn't be carrying it!" she thunders. This is getting alarming now. I decide the best policy is to agree with her and hotfoot it out of there.

"You're quite right, of course. She's much too little and it's a big heavy bag, but it's the same for all the children, you know. Τι να κάνουμέ; Anyway, we have to go now. Nice meeting you!" I give her a cheery wave and hurriedly steer the girls off in the direction of the school. I look over my shoulder and see her still glaring at us.

"Well that was a bit odd!" I say. "Still, she was quite right to be concerned, I suppose. Phoebe's bag really is too heavy for her. It must be at least five kilos!"

"Dad," Emily says gently, "she meant that you should be carrying Phoebe's bag - like all the parents do for the little children!"

"Do they?" I look around and notice, it is true, quite a number of mums and dads (not to mention some quite frail looking grandparents) struggling under the weight of some very large school bags.

Ah.

Hand

2010-01-10T09:03:00.008+02:00

At art class on Friday the girls had to draw a picture of their left hand holding a toy. Emily didn't have time to finish hers so she brought it home to colour in. I was so impressed I took a photo of it. She herself didn't actually think it was anything special because she copied it from real life "and that's not really art, Daddy"...

Spelling test

2010-01-07T09:28:00.007+02:00

Phoebe is very good at getting her homework out of the way. Quite often on a Friday afternoon she will sit down and make a start on a worksheet so that her weekend is as free as possible. Similarly, she rattled through all the work her teacher had set her for the Christmas holidays on the very first day, and had a lovely two weeks of not worrying about school. Until now. She has just come to me in a panic because tomorrow is the first day back at school and the one piece of homework she didn't get out of the way two weeks ago was to learn some words for a spelling test (very sensibly, she had left it until today so that the words would be fresh in her mind tomorrow). However, although she knows that has a spelling test, she can't remember what words she has to learn. She has called her friend George, who told her something, but she didn't really understand too well what he meant, and when we tried calling him back there was no reply.

We have looked through her language book and found a sentence in bold in the last reading text they looked at last term, which usually indicates something to be copied and learnt for spelling. She is worried that there might be something else she has forgotten, though, and the later it gets the more she is fretting and she has become quite tearful.

I decide to help her put things in perspective.

"Darling, let's suppose that you haven't learnt the right words and that you get to school tomorrow and you get zero on the spelling test. What's the worst thing that can possibly happen?" I smile encouragingly.

Her eyes widen, aghast at a possibility that had clearly not previously occurred to her.

"The worst that can happen? I will be completely humiliated in front of the whole class." She commences a new round of wailing.

It seems I may not have handled that one as well as I might...

Snuffles

2009-12-23T16:59:00.006+02:00

Phoebe's teacher had the rather nice idea that for Christmas, all the children in the class would each buy one small inexpensive present, suitable for either a boy or a girl, which, after the drawing of lots, a child would take home as a little gift from a classmate. Phoebe took along a cute little dog on a keyring, which she immediately nicknamed Snuffles (rather a good name, I think, as he really does look as though he's snuffling along having picked up some scent or other).

She was a little bit sad, of course, that such a splendid item would be going home with another child, but understood that this was all about the spirit of Christmas and giving generously and so on. Imagine her delight, then, when she was the child whose name was drawn to take Snuffles home with her. And imagine her even greater delight (and our deep, deep shame) when one of her friends discovered Snuffles' amazing secret ability. For Snuffles is not just a cute little dog on a keyring. He is a cute little dog on a keyring that poos when you squeeze him!

Fear

2009-12-21T18:55:00.001+02:00

"Phoebe, you are very naughty little girl. You are not to scare your sister by chasing her round the house claiming to have been possessed by Lord Voldemort."

Uri Geller

2009-12-13T23:20:00.005+02:00

In Kolonaki yesterday, Emily was waved at by Uri Geller!

True fact!

And when she got home she found her socks had magically been turned inside out.

Spooky!!!

("Dad, you have to erase that. People will think my socks really were inside out!"

"No they won't, darling. People will realise it's a joke."

"What if a stupid person reads the blog? They might not realise."

"Stupid people don't read this blog, my love. It's only for clever people.")

Photos

2009-12-12T09:35:00.006+02:00

The girls had their school photos taken today. These are not what they were in my day. I remember having individual portraits taken (in full school uniform with blazer, cap and tie) and panoramas of the whole school. What I don't remember was being snapped holding a football (Phoebe, who refused to touch the doll provided by the photographer) or reclining on a fluffy orange cushion (Emily apparently in a Next Top Model sort of pose)...

Swine flu

2009-12-04T15:30:00.004+02:00

Phoebe's class has been shut down for a week because of swine flu. Phoebe herself is perfectly fine, thankfully, but finds herself at something of a loose end.

"Daddy, I wish I was at school! I've finished all my homework and now I've got nothing to do. I'm a completely stiff board."

"Bored stiff, darling."

"Yes, that too."

The results are in

2009-11-30T08:37:00.004+02:00

Well, Emily got the third highest number of votes in the class election and is now Treasurer. I'm not sure what funds she will be in charge of, but I have advised her to let prudence be her watchword and not to let the class return to the bad old days of boom and bust.

In other news, the new class president has appointed a number of his friends to special advisory positions, thus reducing the importance of the secretary and treasurer. I'm sure this will provide Emily with valuable insights into the workings of the democratic process...

Election

2009-11-25T06:46:00.003+02:00

As you might expect, voting rights here in the cradle of democracy are acquired at an early age. So it is that Emily's class are all set to elect three children to the posts of President, Secretary and Treasurer. She will be announcing her candidacy tomorrow...

Jeans

2009-11-18T12:45:00.010+02:00

Poor Emily had a miserable day at the shops last week, trying to find a pair of jeans that would fit her. After failing to squeeze into countless ridiculous designs, she finally managed to find something at M&S. But why was every single pair at Zara (to name the main offender) tailored for the thinnest, weediest legs imaginable? I'd estimate that about 2% of girls of Emily's age could have fitted into them.

Now it's one thing for the fashion industry to decide that "thin is in" this year for adults (who, after all, can just wear last year's slightly less fashionable styles if they can't find anything to fit them this year), but what are growing kids supposed to do when they can't find a single thing in their size in a store like Zara? And what kind of message does it send them? That they can't be fashionable and won't look good unless they're thin enough to fit into this circulation-stopping gear. All I can hope is that Zara sell so few of them that they realise the error of their ways (because at the end of the day it's all about the bottom line, isn't it?).

Actually, I don't reckon what Emily was trying on were even designed for children. They looked more like they were scaled down from a skinny pair of adult jeans. So what's going on here? Do the buyers or designers at Zara truly not have the brain to realise that children are not miniature versions of grown-ups with exactly the same proportions? Or is this a deliberate tactic to foster feelings of inadequacy among pre-teen girls? Whatever. Thank you Zara for producing such fabulously unwearable clothes that my daughter now has a completely unrealistic idea of what she ought to look like.

Robot

2009-11-13T07:50:00.002+02:00

Phoebe's godmother got her a tin-can robot kit for her birthday...

Drums

2009-11-10T11:54:00.004+02:00

Phoebe's drumming turns out to be quite thoughtful and considered, which is a relief when what we were expecting was something more like this:

Rock star

2009-11-06T13:04:00.004+02:00

According to Phoebe, I have quite a nice singing voice but unfortunately I can't be a rock star because I'm not good looking enough.

Actually, she said that I'm not good looking at all.

So I told her that she can't be a rock star because when she sings she sounds like a honking seal.

We then blew raspberries at one another.

Skirt

2009-11-05T06:37:00.008+02:00

It is the morning of the parade. Emily is full of excitement and is dressed in her uniform. I am serving her breakfast.

Me: "Do you think it's a very good idea to be wearing your uniform darling? You wouldn't want to spill milk over it, would you?
Emily: "Oh, don't be silly, Dad. I'm not going to spill anything. I'll be very careful."
Me: "I'm sure you will my love, but it would be a shame to get food on it. Why not change out of it until we're ready to go."
Emily: "No, dad, I'm not changing out of my uniform. I'm going to wear it and I'm going to be careful."
Me: "Perhaps if you took off the pullover-
Emily: "Dad!"
Me: "All right, all right, I'll be quiet."

Later:
Nevi: "Emily, don't wear your uniform, it'll get dirty."
Emily: "No, it won't! Why does everybody keep telling me not to wear my uniform?"

Still later:
Me: "Emily, stop aiming karate kicks at your sister's head, darling, you're going to-"
RRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPP
Me: "-tear your skirt. Oh. Oh dear."
Emily: "Arrggghhhhh!!!"
Me: "Oh dear, no."
Emily: "What am I going to do? I can't go on the parade with a torn skirt! Waaaaaa!!!"
Me: "No, don't cry darling, we'll fix it."
Emily: "Everyone will see my knickers!"
Me: "Let's have a look. Just slip out of it, could you?"
Emily: "That's it, I'm not going on the parade."
Me: "There we are, it's just along the seam, that won't take long to sew up."
Emily: "We don't have time!"
Me: "How long do we have? Fifteen minutes? Yeah, that's long enough!"
Emily: "And you don't know how to sew!"
Me: "Well, there you may have a point..."

And indeed, it may not have been the most proficient piece of stitching ever, but no one noticed, and it held for the duration of the parade, at least, which is what counts. And the tear really wasn't Emily's fault. The seam turned out not to have been properly stitched - it was just tacked together at three points, so it was going to go at some point if she did anything even remotely energetic. Actually, it could well have opened up during the parade itself, in which case all of Kaisariani would have seen her knickers, so we should count our blessings, I suppose.

Ready for the parade

2009-11-04T08:45:00.007+02:00

Here's Emily in her school uniform just before the parade.

Uniform

2009-11-03T10:30:00.006+02:00

As you will recall, Ochi Day is one of the most important days of the year, here, commemorating this country's refusal to allow the Italians to enter Greek territory during World War II.

Part of the commemorative celebrations involve schools parading through the streets and, being a fifth year, Emily was taking part for the first time this year, which meant that we had to buy her a school uniform. A school uniform just for a single parade? Well, yes, I'm afraid so. Although there is no uniform in Greek state schools (and nor, I think, in most private schools), if you want to take part in a parade you have to have one. The parade is not compulsory, of course, but no kid wants to be left out, which means that parents of fifth and sixth formers found themselves comparing notes last week on where to find the right clothes. Unfortunately, wherever we went, although designs and quality varied, prices seemed standard. Fifteen euro each for a white shirt, a sleeveless blue pullover and a grey skirt and five euro for a pair of white tights. Which may not seem much, but add in a pair of black shoes and that's a fair amount to have to stump up for an outfit that will be worn no more than a handful of times (and some items of which, judging by their quality, may not even last until the next parade comes round).

I wonder if the politicians who think that parades like this are a good idea ever ask themselves what kind of additional financial burden they represent for parents? (That was a rhetorical question, by the way...)

Blog resuscitation

2009-11-02T18:08:00.004+02:00

In an attempt to breathe some life into this increasingly moribund blog, I've decided to abandon my previous blogging practice (wait for something interesting to happen, write a draft post about it, re-open draft post three weeks later, have no recollection of any of the events described therein, delete post).

One of the problems in blogging about the girls has been that a lot of the time there's not that much to write about: they have lessons, homework and out of school activities every day, which are perhaps not the most fascinating subjects for a post, notwithstanding my sparkling prose. So from now on I'm just going to sit down when I have the time and see what comes into my head. If that turns out to be ramblings that have not a lot to do with E&P, well... apologies in advance. And if I can't think of anything at all to write I'll try and post a few photos.

OK? OK.

Let's see how it goes...

Emily Edwards-Kaninia and the Creature Under the Bed

2009-10-05T02:45:00.003+03:00

Emily has finally faced her fears and watched the first Harry Potter film (after being unable to finish the book for fear of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Having done so, however, she is now afraid of having nightmares in which Lord Voldemort is lurking under her bed. I explain to her that seeing as she is on the top bunk, it is in fact Phoebe who is lurking beneath her. This did not seem to be any great comfort to her...

Song

2009-09-26T14:23:00.002+03:00

Phoebe has written a song!

"I decided I wanted a normal life.
Every minute I used to think about life.
I wanted to see you again.
I couldn't bear it any more."

Which seems a good strong lyric, if rather angst-ridden.

Underneath she has helpfully written:

"BEAT:

Tum tum tee-tum, pom pom pom-pom, POM!"

Now if that's not musical talent, I don't know what is!

Growing up

2009-09-22T07:16:00.006+03:00

Emily: "I don't know if I want to become a teenager, Daddy."

Me: "Oh? Why's that, darling?"

Emily: "Well, teenagers are always in a bad mood and keep getting cross with their parents."

Me: ...

Emily: [Grinning] "So no change there, then!"

School

2009-09-16T07:03:00.003+03:00

Phoebe has vowed to turn over a new leaf at school by not copying from the boy she sits next to in class.

"Daddy, I didn't copy from anyone at all and I finished the exercise before all the other children!"

"Oh, well done, darling. And did you get everything right?"

[Proudly] "No, I got it all wrong!"

Well, it's a start, I suppose...

Shopping

2009-09-09T17:50:00.006+03:00

for clothes. During which Emily tries to squeeze into ridiculously tight jeans and asks if her bum looks big in them. Looks like my little girl is all growed up...

Vegetarianism

2009-09-07T16:45:00.008+03:00

Emily comes into the kitchen as I am cooking up something delicious involving tuna. Her nostrils are plainly aquiver.

"What's that, Dad?"

"It's tuna, darling."

"Tuna..." she exclaims wistfully. "Tuna is very nearly my favourite food. It's a shame I can't eat it now that I'm a vegetarian."

I raise an eyebrow and she glares at me. She is challenging me - no, daring me - to point out that since she turned "completely vegetarian" on September 1st, she has consumed bacon (twice, once in a club sandwich and once in a carbonara sauce), chicken (once), and a half-hundredweight of meatballs (to help Phoebe celebrate her name day).

I am too wily, though, to get drawn in to an argument that I can only lose.

"Don't worry darling, I'll make something vegetarian for you tomorrow. Some delicious broccoli, perhaps."

I duck the flipflop that promptly hurtles in my direction...

Name Day

2009-09-03T05:57:00.005+03:00

For her name day, Phoebe chooses to go bowling. Characteristically, she does not allow her pleasure to be dampened by the fact that she scores just eight points in the whole game.

For myself, I am naturally disappointed that she seems not to have inherited my sporting aptitude. Being sensitive, though, and this being her special day, I am careful to restrict myself only to encouraging comments such as "No, darling!" and "Not like that!"

You know the holidays are well and truly over...

2009-09-02T16:53:00.004+03:00

... when your children, having spent all day bickering, have a huge argument and both threaten to run away from home. And instead of trying to calm them down and act as peacemaker, you ask them if they'll be wanting one suitcase or two...